Finding Mello's Heart
by RandomKiwi
Summary: Mello's journey to finding who he really is... And what matters most.
1. Chapter 1

_Everyone has a heart. No matter how big or small, it's still a heart. At some point in their life, they're going to act not out of logic, or routine, but out of the kindness concentrated in that one place. The compassion and genuine love that cannot be misplaced or lost. It's there. It just takes a trigger to bring it to the surface, through the perfectly emotionless exterior. _

Mello had a heart once. He used to have a warm, loving family. He loved them back. The competition might have deluded it a bit, but it was still love. _His love._ Everything changed when they abandoned him. He never knew why. They had money. They had everything everyone else was dying to have. But they couldn't have him; one of their own. Mello still knows where his house was; at least the general area. He still wonders why it had to be him. The kid with an actual life to live.

_Why is it when you have all there is to have you lose it all?_

It's like a game of checkers. One step to victory and the next thing you know you've lost. It takes one mistake to ruin your life.

**_T__heirs ruined Mello's._**

For a boy with a huge heart, Mello's shrank quickly. As soon as he was given up, he recoiled away from the world, lashing out at anyone who dared provoke any emotion inside him besides hatred and anger. Because that was all that was left in his cold, neglected heart. The love had vanished, just like his life. _Just like the boy he used to be._

Nobody knew this better than anyone else but Near. He was the tail end of it, the effects fully displayed through him. Destroying toys, kicking his sleeping body, and verbal abuse were just the half of it. Something cracked inside Mello when he saw Near… Something that sent his actions spiraling out of control for years. But Near stood not wavered at all; swallowing his sorrow and cries when they burned his throat, threatening to bubble over. He looked up to Mello, but as the years grew longer, his fear of him grew and grew.

_Near wondered what had happened to his friend._

_Mello kept wondering why._


	2. Chapter 2: Cry Me A River

**AN: It's been a long time, but Annibell12, you've been waiting practically since July for me to continue this. This is for you, honey. (Haha, that's some plain folks there for you. :P) And no, Mello is not being a dramatic idiot, he's just… Mello. AFTER childhood, might I say. Because all in all, before everything turned bad, Mello was a very good kid. (According to my books, anyway.) Well, enjoy. Hope the language doesn't annoy you… But this is MELLO we're talking about. And… you know how Mello is. Review please!**

**~ RandomKiwi**

* * *

><p>Near peered out from behind the doorframe as the crashing and banging from his friend's bedroom continued, getting louder each time.<p>

"Fuck this! Agh, FREAKING HELL, DAMN IT!" his friend screamed, obviously angry beyond comprehension. "Fucking Near and his fucking wits… Go to Hell, Near. Just fucking go to hell!" Near flinched at these words, as if he was stabbed with a knife, each word leaving another bleeding hole in his heart. He stood motionless, his eyes wide with fear and sadness, fighting back tears. Mihael usually acted up like this... But not nearly as much as now.

"SHIT! Where's my gun!" There was more banging.

_A gun?_ Near's eyes widened more (if that was even possible without his eyeballs bursting out of their sockets) and he let out a quiet gasp.

"FUCK IT. Just… agh! I'm leaving this Hell hole. I can't live with this… Can't take it… I should be L… damn him… friend. Ha! Friends? With HIM! Anything but." The boy inside the room mumbled to himself as he violently packed his duffel bag.

Near's hand fell from the door frame. His fingers now dangled loosely by his side; he was unable to think, not able to move. He stepped into the doorway just as his friend made his way to the doorway.

"Get out of my way, shitface," Mihael growled, shoving him to the floor with such force that the framed pictures on the wall behind him rattled.

Near got up again. He shook his head, his mouth opening to say something. "Mi-" He was interrupted my Mihael's backhand, which planted itself brutally against his jaw. Near stumbled backwards, groping at his face which was now bruised and bloodied.

"I told you to get out of my way you bastard," Mello snarled before stepping over him, making a point to kick at Near's legs. "Later, freak. Don't come looking for me. I don't need…" Near mentally blocked out the next few words, already knowing he'd heard enough.

"Mihael. Stop. You don't have to leave Wammy's," his voice was barely a whisper but he was sure Mihael could hear it.

"I do… I DO. AND DON'T CALL ME MIHAEL! I'M SICK OF IT! SICK OF YOU!" he spat out the words with such aggression, bits of saliva launching themselves off of his lips. "I'M NOT A CHILD. I'M NOT A COWARD. I'VE BEEN HIDING OUT AT THIS FUCKING SCHOOL FOR HOWEVER LONG, TOP OF THE CLASS. THEN YOU CAME ALONG AND I WAS ALWAYS SECOND. _**ALWAYS SECOND!**_ I'LL PROVE IT TO YOU, TO ALL OF YOU! I AM **NOT SECOND TO **_**ANYBODY.**_ NOT YOU, NOT L, NO ONE. ONE DAY YOU'LL WISH YOU RESPECTED ME WHEN I HAVE YOUR SORRY ASS BLOWN UP." He nostrils flared with rage, his dark eyes just about on fire with hatred.

Near shook his head, shutting his eyes tightly. He refused to believe this was real. _Wake up. Wake. Up._

He was flattened against the hard wooden floor as he grimaced in pain.

"And you," he growled, warm breath slamming against Near's face. "One day you will die." With that, he stormed off, smashing the window out before leaping out into the cold night air. By now all of the kids were surrounding Near, offering assistance. Some were petrified into statues, paralyzed with fear.

Near refused all helping hands and instead lay there as they all returned to their chambers. He wondered what he had done to set him off like this, to cause him to... run away. It didn't add up. That's when he realized life wasn't always about equations and analysis, it never was. It was really about love, a feeling he knew Mihael had never recieved. His heart felt as heavy as led as he sat in that very spot, staring at the jagged shards of glass scattered below the windowsill, the white curtain slowly blowing in the cool breeze. It was then that he let his emotions take over for the very first time. That night…

_The night when Nate River cried._


End file.
